Today a member of our lucrative team divulged her identity and association with the FSEwe News. She held out as long as she could with a valiant effort, attempting to protect the identity of any co-conspirators. In her defense, the threats that came up against her were unbearable. First, Tal Daylor claimed that he would arrange the fall lottery so that she had the last number unless she admitted to being responsible. Unmoved by this ultimatum, she stood strong in her convictions.
Just when she thought she had made it by safely, a group of students bombarded her. Several empty threats were yelled her way, but again she kept her ground. It was Kevin Bronson who made the move that no one else dared to do. He told our poor associate that if she did not admit her affiliation, she would be required to moderate the meeting of regional campus lottery exemptions. A threat so intimidating would have led the Pope to recant his faith.
It is up to you to protect that identity. If you like what you have read from the FSEwe News, we ask that you do everything in your power to keep all affiliated identities anonymous. Any risk of cruel and unusual punishment by means of authority will result in permanent shut down of FSEwe News. Don’t let that happen.
Your support is always appreciated. Please comment on any posts if you have anything to say, and you are welcome to remain anonymous if you feel the need. Inappropriate comments will be removed if necessary. We also encourage feedback but would like you to take note that we here at the FSEwe News are strict vegetarians.
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2 comments:
I have to say I'm impressed with the quality of writing... perhaps you should work for The Onion!
Thanks. If med school doesn't work out, The Onion is a good back up plan.
Keep the comments coming if you want to see more.
FN
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