Medical student, Beth Martinez is one of the exceptional women who is enduring the challenges of medical school and pregnancy at the same time. Recent discussions of pregnancy have been brought up in the reproductive unit for classes and have gotten many people thinking about the many decisions involved. Beth is especially concerned with the methods which she can choose to give birth, with what type of professional, and the location. Fortunately, she was available for an interview earlier this week.
When asked what her plans were for giving birth, Beth had a lot to say. “When I first found out I was pregnant, I expected to just have it in a hospital like normal people. After all, I am in medical school!” she commented with a chuckle. “But when I began to do more research, I realized that there are so many other options out there. For example, I could have my baby at home. This would clearly be ideal because then I wouldn’t have to worry about carrying my giant Robbin’s Pathology book with me.“ Other options she mentioned were birthing centers and using a midwife instead of the traditional route of having a physician.
However, Beth has chosen an even more unique experience than most. “ You know, you hear about these weird things like water births and beach births, but I just can’t see myself doing anything so extreme. I hadn’t really come to a decision until a few weeks ago when it hit me. I’m Christian, right? And so I started to think about the perfect birth of all time, Jesus’ birth. He was born in a stable, right? I realized that if God sent Jesus to be born in a stable, then that must be the way things are supposed to be done. Therefore, I have decided to have my baby in a barn. We are also talking to the local petting zoo to see about having animals around, just to make it seem a little more authentic. But we know that the details don’t really matter, as long as it’s a good experience.”
Beth is due sometime in late May, so be on the look out for some bright stars in the sky as the time gets closer.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Mysterious Buzzer
A recent phenomena has occurred lately in the lecture hall of the medical school. It all began one day during the second years' pathology presentations. Students sat for hours in annoyance as a mysterious buzzer began making noise throughout the presentations. There are several theories behind the cause of it, and we at the FSEwe News spent some time investigating to get the truth to the students.
Hypothesis #1: There's a hidden clothes dryer on campus.
Several students have decided to save money on rent and move into the COM. They live in LCs, switching weekly so as not to attract attention. They have installed a washer/dryer in one of the hidden utility closets and forgot to turn off the buzzer on the dryer.
Hypothesis #2: It's actually a coping mechanisms test.
Dr. Decorator and other faculty and staff of the social sciences department are working together to analyze the classes in a new way. Rather than Meyers-Briggs and other assessments that students often complain about, this is a discreet way to observe the students' behavior. And students think no one is watching when they skip class...
Hypothesis #3: It's a secret game show buzzer.
Many stand behind this theory. There are various suspects as to who was participating in this game show. Because the buzzing began during a pathology presentation, this particular group of students is under suspicion. Current evidence does not help their case either. As they were asked questions following their presentation, this group had a tendency to form a circle and consult one another as in a game of Family Feud, before having a spokesperson, Tal Daylor, respond with their "final answer."
Actual cause of the buzzing: It's part of a new reality show.
This new reality show will be a combination of Survivor, Scrubs, & Punk'd. In other words, it will be a show about medical students surviving and how far they can go without losing it. The buzzer is actually a critical part of the interaction between students and faculty. The buzzer goes off when a lecturer, is supposed to stop speaking. However, the lecturer continues beyond the buzzing, pushing the students into a state of derangement. In previous episodes, this was initiated by causing the microphone to "go out," under the guise of a dead battery. However, the students have not reacted as explosively to this noxious stimulus and as a result, the buzzer was introduced. It will be alternated with the microphone so as not to condition the students to expect one or the other on a regular basis.
Other attempts at pushing the students past their breaking point have been utilized for bonus drama such as "electricity outages," "flu vaccine shortages," and "Tough Love Tuesdays." Any other similar attempts will be reported as they occur.
Hypothesis #1: There's a hidden clothes dryer on campus.
Several students have decided to save money on rent and move into the COM. They live in LCs, switching weekly so as not to attract attention. They have installed a washer/dryer in one of the hidden utility closets and forgot to turn off the buzzer on the dryer.
Hypothesis #2: It's actually a coping mechanisms test.
Dr. Decorator and other faculty and staff of the social sciences department are working together to analyze the classes in a new way. Rather than Meyers-Briggs and other assessments that students often complain about, this is a discreet way to observe the students' behavior. And students think no one is watching when they skip class...
Hypothesis #3: It's a secret game show buzzer.
Many stand behind this theory. There are various suspects as to who was participating in this game show. Because the buzzing began during a pathology presentation, this particular group of students is under suspicion. Current evidence does not help their case either. As they were asked questions following their presentation, this group had a tendency to form a circle and consult one another as in a game of Family Feud, before having a spokesperson, Tal Daylor, respond with their "final answer."
Actual cause of the buzzing: It's part of a new reality show.
This new reality show will be a combination of Survivor, Scrubs, & Punk'd. In other words, it will be a show about medical students surviving and how far they can go without losing it. The buzzer is actually a critical part of the interaction between students and faculty. The buzzer goes off when a lecturer, is supposed to stop speaking. However, the lecturer continues beyond the buzzing, pushing the students into a state of derangement. In previous episodes, this was initiated by causing the microphone to "go out," under the guise of a dead battery. However, the students have not reacted as explosively to this noxious stimulus and as a result, the buzzer was introduced. It will be alternated with the microphone so as not to condition the students to expect one or the other on a regular basis.
Other attempts at pushing the students past their breaking point have been utilized for bonus drama such as "electricity outages," "flu vaccine shortages," and "Tough Love Tuesdays." Any other similar attempts will be reported as they occur.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Students Suffer from Second Year Syndrome
By contributing writer Tapas Lovely
This semester, MS2 students are having a different attitude with regards to their studying habits. The general consensus after the first pathology quiz was that passing the boards is no longer an option. Rather, students should divert all attention to writing the best damn health issues paper known to man. After speaking with fellow classmates about their topics, I found a refreshingly new one-up attitude that I had so unhappily believed had disappeared from the medical student spirit.
Class GQ extraordinaire Dustin Bean told me that he was going to prove that the WHO's analysis of US healthcare standings is actually all bogus. We don't have a high infant mortality, but rather a high Penguin mortality. I couldn't help but play back the lyrics to "Where have all the penguins gone?" by Paula Cole, aka hairy armpit lady. Hmm...interesting. Bethany Peed overheard our conversation and became so enraged for not being able to come up with Dustin's magnificent idea herself, she burst into flames. Poof. One less fire-breathing dragon.
But don't celebrate yet kids- we have a lot more to do before we're MD's. As Dr. Panting would say "We have to redefine what an MD is. What does it mean to be an MD? (Medically Deranged) Who determines the value of an MD?" (Dr. Glutton and his band of culturally competent chimpanzees) I challenge you to think about these questions profoundly, as we move forth to becoming a part of the distinguished few who had the courage to forget their loved ones so that they could remember the indications for Doxycycline. God Bless Medicine.
This semester, MS2 students are having a different attitude with regards to their studying habits. The general consensus after the first pathology quiz was that passing the boards is no longer an option. Rather, students should divert all attention to writing the best damn health issues paper known to man. After speaking with fellow classmates about their topics, I found a refreshingly new one-up attitude that I had so unhappily believed had disappeared from the medical student spirit.
Class GQ extraordinaire Dustin Bean told me that he was going to prove that the WHO's analysis of US healthcare standings is actually all bogus. We don't have a high infant mortality, but rather a high Penguin mortality. I couldn't help but play back the lyrics to "Where have all the penguins gone?" by Paula Cole, aka hairy armpit lady. Hmm...interesting. Bethany Peed overheard our conversation and became so enraged for not being able to come up with Dustin's magnificent idea herself, she burst into flames. Poof. One less fire-breathing dragon.
But don't celebrate yet kids- we have a lot more to do before we're MD's. As Dr. Panting would say "We have to redefine what an MD is. What does it mean to be an MD? (Medically Deranged) Who determines the value of an MD?" (Dr. Glutton and his band of culturally competent chimpanzees) I challenge you to think about these questions profoundly, as we move forth to becoming a part of the distinguished few who had the courage to forget their loved ones so that they could remember the indications for Doxycycline. God Bless Medicine.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
FSU COM Implements New Exam Policy, Students Bare All
This year the FSU College of Medicine policy for test taking has become what some may consider extreme. The policy implemented and strictly enforced for the 2008-2009 school year requires that all students come with the bare minimum—literally. Students are no longer able to wear clothing with the exception of undergarments. “We technically could require them to wear no clothing it all, but we think that would be taking it a little too far,” commented Dr. Reinas, of the office of affairs for students.
What is the reason for this seemingly ridiculous policy? Academic honesty is taken very seriously at the COM , and officials are doing everything possible to see to it that there is no chance of a breach in ethics. “We don’t want to suspect any foul play, so we are preventing it by putting into motion these rules. We will know if anyone is writing answers on their arm or hiding granola bars in their pockets, because these areas will be exposed. No chance of academic dishonesty here.”
How do students feel about this? “I think it’s absolutely ridiculous!” exclaimed Farah McGyver. “There I was, freezing with next to nothing on, and they told me I couldn’t bring in my student ID because it was a breach of security. Now how am I supposed to get back into my LC?”
Another thought is that the idea of 120+ students walking around in underwear would be a slight distraction to the exam-taking process. When we asked Dr. Reinas about this, she was ready for this question. “When we accepted these students to the medical school, we expected that they would be able to act in a professional manner. We consider this policy to be followed with the utmost professionalism. In the medical community, if it were a requirement to wear nothing but underwear to a meeting or conference, we would not expect to see all of the physicians pointing and laughing at each other, nor engaging in any indecent behavior. Our students should be able to maintain the same level of professionalism that they one day will have to exemplify to the community outside of an educational institution.”
What is our country coming to when the future doctors of America are required to walk around like Victoria Secret models in order to take an exam? You decide.
What is the reason for this seemingly ridiculous policy? Academic honesty is taken very seriously at the COM , and officials are doing everything possible to see to it that there is no chance of a breach in ethics. “We don’t want to suspect any foul play, so we are preventing it by putting into motion these rules. We will know if anyone is writing answers on their arm or hiding granola bars in their pockets, because these areas will be exposed. No chance of academic dishonesty here.”
How do students feel about this? “I think it’s absolutely ridiculous!” exclaimed Farah McGyver. “There I was, freezing with next to nothing on, and they told me I couldn’t bring in my student ID because it was a breach of security. Now how am I supposed to get back into my LC?”
Another thought is that the idea of 120+ students walking around in underwear would be a slight distraction to the exam-taking process. When we asked Dr. Reinas about this, she was ready for this question. “When we accepted these students to the medical school, we expected that they would be able to act in a professional manner. We consider this policy to be followed with the utmost professionalism. In the medical community, if it were a requirement to wear nothing but underwear to a meeting or conference, we would not expect to see all of the physicians pointing and laughing at each other, nor engaging in any indecent behavior. Our students should be able to maintain the same level of professionalism that they one day will have to exemplify to the community outside of an educational institution.”
What is our country coming to when the future doctors of America are required to walk around like Victoria Secret models in order to take an exam? You decide.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
New Sorority at FSU College of Medicine
With countless sororities across the country, and many of them popular at Florida State University, it's no wonder that a new one is popping up this year. Many of the students at the FSU College of Medicine have felt left out, as if going to a professional school precludes the possibility of having fun. This just isn't so.
Medical student and notorious student leader, Beth Martinez, has decided to embark on the journey of starting this sorority. "One day I was studying, and it just came to me," remarked Beth. "I have a vision that this will be the beginning of a nation-wide campaign. Every medical school will soon want to claim that they too have a chapter of Delta Gamma T."
Beth has already proposed a T-shirt design, which has prompted great interest with many other students. A copy of the design is shown. "I definitely want a shirt, especially if it's pink," commented Lyla Lancast-Jones. The verdict will be out soon whether or not this will be approved by the assistant to the manager of student affairs.
Medical student and notorious student leader, Beth Martinez, has decided to embark on the journey of starting this sorority. "One day I was studying, and it just came to me," remarked Beth. "I have a vision that this will be the beginning of a nation-wide campaign. Every medical school will soon want to claim that they too have a chapter of Delta Gamma T."
Beth has already proposed a T-shirt design, which has prompted great interest with many other students. A copy of the design is shown. "I definitely want a shirt, especially if it's pink," commented Lyla Lancast-Jones. The verdict will be out soon whether or not this will be approved by the assistant to the manager of student affairs.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Professor Resigns, Pursues Comedy Career
Dr. Gill, a professor in the medical sciences at the FSU COM, has recently announced his resignation from the school in order to pursue a new career. What new career you ask? A career in comedy. How did he come to such a decision? You aren’t the only one pondering this. Fortunately, Dr. Gill agreed to be interviewed and shared his thoughts on the matter.
“I always knew teaching wasn’t my biggest strength, but it’s teaching at the medical school that has brought me to where I am today and has led me to this decision,” said Gill. “It was while I was teaching one day that I had the epiphany. There I was, lecturing on the cell cycle, when I realized that my delivery made words like apoptosis and oncogenes sound like a great punch line. Cell death has never before sounded so comical! Sometimes I am so funny in class that I just can’t contain myself and a little giggle comes out here and there. I realize that this may be considered unprofessional, which is why I’ve decided to resign and pursue a career in comedy,” commented Gill.
Dr. Gill will be greatly missed by all the students. Though they seldom laughed along, they are certainly supportive of his decision to seek out this new interest. It is likely that Dr. Gill will be leaving on tour before the term is up, and as a result, someone will need to teach his class for the remainder of the semester. Most predict that Dr. Von Nottingham will be given this position. Dr. Von Nottingham had no response to this prediction and only commented saying “Live the dream.”
“I realize that students don’t always ‘get’ my humor,” mentioned Gill, “but I think my style is geared towards a more mature audience. There are a few in the class who I would hear chuckle occasionally, and I think they are really starting to get it. For now, I’m just going to see where this takes me, and hope that there are enough people out there who are more mature than our students, to support my comedy tour.”
“I always knew teaching wasn’t my biggest strength, but it’s teaching at the medical school that has brought me to where I am today and has led me to this decision,” said Gill. “It was while I was teaching one day that I had the epiphany. There I was, lecturing on the cell cycle, when I realized that my delivery made words like apoptosis and oncogenes sound like a great punch line. Cell death has never before sounded so comical! Sometimes I am so funny in class that I just can’t contain myself and a little giggle comes out here and there. I realize that this may be considered unprofessional, which is why I’ve decided to resign and pursue a career in comedy,” commented Gill.
Dr. Gill will be greatly missed by all the students. Though they seldom laughed along, they are certainly supportive of his decision to seek out this new interest. It is likely that Dr. Gill will be leaving on tour before the term is up, and as a result, someone will need to teach his class for the remainder of the semester. Most predict that Dr. Von Nottingham will be given this position. Dr. Von Nottingham had no response to this prediction and only commented saying “Live the dream.”
“I realize that students don’t always ‘get’ my humor,” mentioned Gill, “but I think my style is geared towards a more mature audience. There are a few in the class who I would hear chuckle occasionally, and I think they are really starting to get it. For now, I’m just going to see where this takes me, and hope that there are enough people out there who are more mature than our students, to support my comedy tour.”
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Positive Reinforcement No Longer a Reality
From contributing writer: C.J. Cooper
A recent shortage of stickers at the COM has many people worried over future prospects. Stickers have been in short supply since the beginning of the semester due to unknown reasons. One student, Jess Boxing-Aluen, had the following to say: “This is just awful, some have had to go weeks without a sticker. This is just unacceptable.” Supplies are short on all stickers but gold and silver stars have been hit especially hard. Another student, who wishes to remain anonymous, had the following to say when asked whether or not a smiley face sticker would suffice: “Absolutely not! I am entitled to a gold star.”
Speculation has even begun that recent faculty departures are due to the short supply. When questioned, prior to his departure, on whether this was the case Dr. Debtor replied with a firm “No Comment.” But this reporter couldn’t help but notice several letters from the University of Eastern Florida covered with gold star stickers.
Whether or not the sticker shortage will abate is uncertain for the time being. With the recent MUSCE and the upcoming FUSCE, it seems likely that the short supply will remain a serious problem for at least the next few months. This reporter will do his best to keep you updated on this sticky situation.
A recent shortage of stickers at the COM has many people worried over future prospects. Stickers have been in short supply since the beginning of the semester due to unknown reasons. One student, Jess Boxing-Aluen, had the following to say: “This is just awful, some have had to go weeks without a sticker. This is just unacceptable.” Supplies are short on all stickers but gold and silver stars have been hit especially hard. Another student, who wishes to remain anonymous, had the following to say when asked whether or not a smiley face sticker would suffice: “Absolutely not! I am entitled to a gold star.”
Speculation has even begun that recent faculty departures are due to the short supply. When questioned, prior to his departure, on whether this was the case Dr. Debtor replied with a firm “No Comment.” But this reporter couldn’t help but notice several letters from the University of Eastern Florida covered with gold star stickers.
Whether or not the sticker shortage will abate is uncertain for the time being. With the recent MUSCE and the upcoming FUSCE, it seems likely that the short supply will remain a serious problem for at least the next few months. This reporter will do his best to keep you updated on this sticky situation.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Singles Exempted from Lottery
From Contributing Writer: L.G. Piper
Following a ruling made by a class decision, singles are now exempted from the lottery system determining regional campus location. During the debate, many compelling arguments were made. Thankfully, the majority was in support of exempting singles from the process. Tim Despatrick gave a moving speech pointing out the hardships that singles must go through including Singles Awareness Day (more commonly know as Valentine’s Day). He also mentioned the pain each single must feel as new engagements are announced almost daily. Concluding Tim Despatrick’s speech, the audience gave him a standing ovation shouting, “Onward, Timothy!”
The new exemption officially reads, “They are single, with a reason.” Armed with this new decision, singles will now be able to submit their exemption forms and secure spots at satellite locations. “It’s not as easy as easy as it sounds,” stated Steve Darris. “Any single requesting exemption must provide full documentation that they are, in fact, single and include compelling reasons as to why they are single.”
There are a few skeptics about the new ruling. Mary Kate Fortune, a married student, replied, “I am concerned that individuals will game the system. I don’t want people running out and cancelling their engagements just so they can become exempt.”
Stacey Satellite was grateful for the recent turn of events. This past Valentine’s Day, she received a romantic note from her special someone. The note’s last line queried, “Will you marry me? Circle Yes, No, or No Opinion.” Much to the dismay of the writer, Stacey chose “No Opinion.” She commented, “I’m grateful that I won’t be deciding whether or nor to get engaged or married until after second year. Otherwise, I would have completely forfeited my chance for exemption. Until then, my opinion is no opinion.”
Following a ruling made by a class decision, singles are now exempted from the lottery system determining regional campus location. During the debate, many compelling arguments were made. Thankfully, the majority was in support of exempting singles from the process. Tim Despatrick gave a moving speech pointing out the hardships that singles must go through including Singles Awareness Day (more commonly know as Valentine’s Day). He also mentioned the pain each single must feel as new engagements are announced almost daily. Concluding Tim Despatrick’s speech, the audience gave him a standing ovation shouting, “Onward, Timothy!”
The new exemption officially reads, “They are single, with a reason.” Armed with this new decision, singles will now be able to submit their exemption forms and secure spots at satellite locations. “It’s not as easy as easy as it sounds,” stated Steve Darris. “Any single requesting exemption must provide full documentation that they are, in fact, single and include compelling reasons as to why they are single.”
There are a few skeptics about the new ruling. Mary Kate Fortune, a married student, replied, “I am concerned that individuals will game the system. I don’t want people running out and cancelling their engagements just so they can become exempt.”
Stacey Satellite was grateful for the recent turn of events. This past Valentine’s Day, she received a romantic note from her special someone. The note’s last line queried, “Will you marry me? Circle Yes, No, or No Opinion.” Much to the dismay of the writer, Stacey chose “No Opinion.” She commented, “I’m grateful that I won’t be deciding whether or nor to get engaged or married until after second year. Otherwise, I would have completely forfeited my chance for exemption. Until then, my opinion is no opinion.”
Monday, February 25, 2008
FSEwe News Identity Divulged
Today a member of our lucrative team divulged her identity and association with the FSEwe News. She held out as long as she could with a valiant effort, attempting to protect the identity of any co-conspirators. In her defense, the threats that came up against her were unbearable. First, Tal Daylor claimed that he would arrange the fall lottery so that she had the last number unless she admitted to being responsible. Unmoved by this ultimatum, she stood strong in her convictions.
Just when she thought she had made it by safely, a group of students bombarded her. Several empty threats were yelled her way, but again she kept her ground. It was Kevin Bronson who made the move that no one else dared to do. He told our poor associate that if she did not admit her affiliation, she would be required to moderate the meeting of regional campus lottery exemptions. A threat so intimidating would have led the Pope to recant his faith.
It is up to you to protect that identity. If you like what you have read from the FSEwe News, we ask that you do everything in your power to keep all affiliated identities anonymous. Any risk of cruel and unusual punishment by means of authority will result in permanent shut down of FSEwe News. Don’t let that happen.
Your support is always appreciated. Please comment on any posts if you have anything to say, and you are welcome to remain anonymous if you feel the need. Inappropriate comments will be removed if necessary. We also encourage feedback but would like you to take note that we here at the FSEwe News are strict vegetarians.
Just when she thought she had made it by safely, a group of students bombarded her. Several empty threats were yelled her way, but again she kept her ground. It was Kevin Bronson who made the move that no one else dared to do. He told our poor associate that if she did not admit her affiliation, she would be required to moderate the meeting of regional campus lottery exemptions. A threat so intimidating would have led the Pope to recant his faith.
It is up to you to protect that identity. If you like what you have read from the FSEwe News, we ask that you do everything in your power to keep all affiliated identities anonymous. Any risk of cruel and unusual punishment by means of authority will result in permanent shut down of FSEwe News. Don’t let that happen.
Your support is always appreciated. Please comment on any posts if you have anything to say, and you are welcome to remain anonymous if you feel the need. Inappropriate comments will be removed if necessary. We also encourage feedback but would like you to take note that we here at the FSEwe News are strict vegetarians.
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