A recent phenomena has occurred lately in the lecture hall of the medical school. It all began one day during the second years' pathology presentations. Students sat for hours in annoyance as a mysterious buzzer began making noise throughout the presentations. There are several theories behind the cause of it, and we at the FSEwe News spent some time investigating to get the truth to the students.
Hypothesis #1: There's a hidden clothes dryer on campus.
Several students have decided to save money on rent and move into the COM. They live in LCs, switching weekly so as not to attract attention. They have installed a washer/dryer in one of the hidden utility closets and forgot to turn off the buzzer on the dryer.
Hypothesis #2: It's actually a coping mechanisms test.
Dr. Decorator and other faculty and staff of the social sciences department are working together to analyze the classes in a new way. Rather than Meyers-Briggs and other assessments that students often complain about, this is a discreet way to observe the students' behavior. And students think no one is watching when they skip class...
Hypothesis #3: It's a secret game show buzzer.
Many stand behind this theory. There are various suspects as to who was participating in this game show. Because the buzzing began during a pathology presentation, this particular group of students is under suspicion. Current evidence does not help their case either. As they were asked questions following their presentation, this group had a tendency to form a circle and consult one another as in a game of Family Feud, before having a spokesperson, Tal Daylor, respond with their "final answer."
Actual cause of the buzzing: It's part of a new reality show.
This new reality show will be a combination of Survivor, Scrubs, & Punk'd. In other words, it will be a show about medical students surviving and how far they can go without losing it. The buzzer is actually a critical part of the interaction between students and faculty. The buzzer goes off when a lecturer, is supposed to stop speaking. However, the lecturer continues beyond the buzzing, pushing the students into a state of derangement. In previous episodes, this was initiated by causing the microphone to "go out," under the guise of a dead battery. However, the students have not reacted as explosively to this noxious stimulus and as a result, the buzzer was introduced. It will be alternated with the microphone so as not to condition the students to expect one or the other on a regular basis.
Other attempts at pushing the students past their breaking point have been utilized for bonus drama such as "electricity outages," "flu vaccine shortages," and "Tough Love Tuesdays." Any other similar attempts will be reported as they occur.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Students Suffer from Second Year Syndrome
By contributing writer Tapas Lovely
This semester, MS2 students are having a different attitude with regards to their studying habits. The general consensus after the first pathology quiz was that passing the boards is no longer an option. Rather, students should divert all attention to writing the best damn health issues paper known to man. After speaking with fellow classmates about their topics, I found a refreshingly new one-up attitude that I had so unhappily believed had disappeared from the medical student spirit.
Class GQ extraordinaire Dustin Bean told me that he was going to prove that the WHO's analysis of US healthcare standings is actually all bogus. We don't have a high infant mortality, but rather a high Penguin mortality. I couldn't help but play back the lyrics to "Where have all the penguins gone?" by Paula Cole, aka hairy armpit lady. Hmm...interesting. Bethany Peed overheard our conversation and became so enraged for not being able to come up with Dustin's magnificent idea herself, she burst into flames. Poof. One less fire-breathing dragon.
But don't celebrate yet kids- we have a lot more to do before we're MD's. As Dr. Panting would say "We have to redefine what an MD is. What does it mean to be an MD? (Medically Deranged) Who determines the value of an MD?" (Dr. Glutton and his band of culturally competent chimpanzees) I challenge you to think about these questions profoundly, as we move forth to becoming a part of the distinguished few who had the courage to forget their loved ones so that they could remember the indications for Doxycycline. God Bless Medicine.
This semester, MS2 students are having a different attitude with regards to their studying habits. The general consensus after the first pathology quiz was that passing the boards is no longer an option. Rather, students should divert all attention to writing the best damn health issues paper known to man. After speaking with fellow classmates about their topics, I found a refreshingly new one-up attitude that I had so unhappily believed had disappeared from the medical student spirit.
Class GQ extraordinaire Dustin Bean told me that he was going to prove that the WHO's analysis of US healthcare standings is actually all bogus. We don't have a high infant mortality, but rather a high Penguin mortality. I couldn't help but play back the lyrics to "Where have all the penguins gone?" by Paula Cole, aka hairy armpit lady. Hmm...interesting. Bethany Peed overheard our conversation and became so enraged for not being able to come up with Dustin's magnificent idea herself, she burst into flames. Poof. One less fire-breathing dragon.
But don't celebrate yet kids- we have a lot more to do before we're MD's. As Dr. Panting would say "We have to redefine what an MD is. What does it mean to be an MD? (Medically Deranged) Who determines the value of an MD?" (Dr. Glutton and his band of culturally competent chimpanzees) I challenge you to think about these questions profoundly, as we move forth to becoming a part of the distinguished few who had the courage to forget their loved ones so that they could remember the indications for Doxycycline. God Bless Medicine.
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