From contributing writer: C.J. Cooper
A recent shortage of stickers at the COM has many people worried over future prospects. Stickers have been in short supply since the beginning of the semester due to unknown reasons. One student, Jess Boxing-Aluen, had the following to say: “This is just awful, some have had to go weeks without a sticker. This is just unacceptable.” Supplies are short on all stickers but gold and silver stars have been hit especially hard. Another student, who wishes to remain anonymous, had the following to say when asked whether or not a smiley face sticker would suffice: “Absolutely not! I am entitled to a gold star.”
Speculation has even begun that recent faculty departures are due to the short supply. When questioned, prior to his departure, on whether this was the case Dr. Debtor replied with a firm “No Comment.” But this reporter couldn’t help but notice several letters from the University of Eastern Florida covered with gold star stickers.
Whether or not the sticker shortage will abate is uncertain for the time being. With the recent MUSCE and the upcoming FUSCE, it seems likely that the short supply will remain a serious problem for at least the next few months. This reporter will do his best to keep you updated on this sticky situation.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Singles Exempted from Lottery
From Contributing Writer: L.G. Piper
Following a ruling made by a class decision, singles are now exempted from the lottery system determining regional campus location. During the debate, many compelling arguments were made. Thankfully, the majority was in support of exempting singles from the process. Tim Despatrick gave a moving speech pointing out the hardships that singles must go through including Singles Awareness Day (more commonly know as Valentine’s Day). He also mentioned the pain each single must feel as new engagements are announced almost daily. Concluding Tim Despatrick’s speech, the audience gave him a standing ovation shouting, “Onward, Timothy!”
The new exemption officially reads, “They are single, with a reason.” Armed with this new decision, singles will now be able to submit their exemption forms and secure spots at satellite locations. “It’s not as easy as easy as it sounds,” stated Steve Darris. “Any single requesting exemption must provide full documentation that they are, in fact, single and include compelling reasons as to why they are single.”
There are a few skeptics about the new ruling. Mary Kate Fortune, a married student, replied, “I am concerned that individuals will game the system. I don’t want people running out and cancelling their engagements just so they can become exempt.”
Stacey Satellite was grateful for the recent turn of events. This past Valentine’s Day, she received a romantic note from her special someone. The note’s last line queried, “Will you marry me? Circle Yes, No, or No Opinion.” Much to the dismay of the writer, Stacey chose “No Opinion.” She commented, “I’m grateful that I won’t be deciding whether or nor to get engaged or married until after second year. Otherwise, I would have completely forfeited my chance for exemption. Until then, my opinion is no opinion.”
Following a ruling made by a class decision, singles are now exempted from the lottery system determining regional campus location. During the debate, many compelling arguments were made. Thankfully, the majority was in support of exempting singles from the process. Tim Despatrick gave a moving speech pointing out the hardships that singles must go through including Singles Awareness Day (more commonly know as Valentine’s Day). He also mentioned the pain each single must feel as new engagements are announced almost daily. Concluding Tim Despatrick’s speech, the audience gave him a standing ovation shouting, “Onward, Timothy!”
The new exemption officially reads, “They are single, with a reason.” Armed with this new decision, singles will now be able to submit their exemption forms and secure spots at satellite locations. “It’s not as easy as easy as it sounds,” stated Steve Darris. “Any single requesting exemption must provide full documentation that they are, in fact, single and include compelling reasons as to why they are single.”
There are a few skeptics about the new ruling. Mary Kate Fortune, a married student, replied, “I am concerned that individuals will game the system. I don’t want people running out and cancelling their engagements just so they can become exempt.”
Stacey Satellite was grateful for the recent turn of events. This past Valentine’s Day, she received a romantic note from her special someone. The note’s last line queried, “Will you marry me? Circle Yes, No, or No Opinion.” Much to the dismay of the writer, Stacey chose “No Opinion.” She commented, “I’m grateful that I won’t be deciding whether or nor to get engaged or married until after second year. Otherwise, I would have completely forfeited my chance for exemption. Until then, my opinion is no opinion.”
Monday, February 25, 2008
FSEwe News Identity Divulged
Today a member of our lucrative team divulged her identity and association with the FSEwe News. She held out as long as she could with a valiant effort, attempting to protect the identity of any co-conspirators. In her defense, the threats that came up against her were unbearable. First, Tal Daylor claimed that he would arrange the fall lottery so that she had the last number unless she admitted to being responsible. Unmoved by this ultimatum, she stood strong in her convictions.
Just when she thought she had made it by safely, a group of students bombarded her. Several empty threats were yelled her way, but again she kept her ground. It was Kevin Bronson who made the move that no one else dared to do. He told our poor associate that if she did not admit her affiliation, she would be required to moderate the meeting of regional campus lottery exemptions. A threat so intimidating would have led the Pope to recant his faith.
It is up to you to protect that identity. If you like what you have read from the FSEwe News, we ask that you do everything in your power to keep all affiliated identities anonymous. Any risk of cruel and unusual punishment by means of authority will result in permanent shut down of FSEwe News. Don’t let that happen.
Your support is always appreciated. Please comment on any posts if you have anything to say, and you are welcome to remain anonymous if you feel the need. Inappropriate comments will be removed if necessary. We also encourage feedback but would like you to take note that we here at the FSEwe News are strict vegetarians.
Just when she thought she had made it by safely, a group of students bombarded her. Several empty threats were yelled her way, but again she kept her ground. It was Kevin Bronson who made the move that no one else dared to do. He told our poor associate that if she did not admit her affiliation, she would be required to moderate the meeting of regional campus lottery exemptions. A threat so intimidating would have led the Pope to recant his faith.
It is up to you to protect that identity. If you like what you have read from the FSEwe News, we ask that you do everything in your power to keep all affiliated identities anonymous. Any risk of cruel and unusual punishment by means of authority will result in permanent shut down of FSEwe News. Don’t let that happen.
Your support is always appreciated. Please comment on any posts if you have anything to say, and you are welcome to remain anonymous if you feel the need. Inappropriate comments will be removed if necessary. We also encourage feedback but would like you to take note that we here at the FSEwe News are strict vegetarians.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Future in Gastroenterology Looks Promising Thanks to Chili Cook-off
Saturday, February 23, 2008, marked the first FSU College of Medicine chili cook-off. Students were invited to create their best chili, and several faculty members were chosen as the judges. Alternating each chili sample with a mouthful of Tums®, the judges did their best to contain themselves from both ends for the duration of the judging. With categories ranging from “Don’t let my taste buds fall asleep” to “I thought I could make it to the bathroom”, it’s no wonder that these judges were practically inhaling the antacids. One faculty member, Dr. Underson was exceptionally grateful for the experience. “It has lead to me to develop a whole new direction for my research. After the chili competition, I realized that we are lacking in our classification of the types of shock. Chili-induced shock is clearly its own category, and I am excited to be on the forefront of the research supporting this discovery,” explained Underson.
Underson was not the only one pleased with the results of the cook-off. Brent Legweak who helped organize the event, was more than satisfied with the outcome. “Sure, we raised some money and helped the community, which is really great,” said Brent. “But the important thing here was job security. Thanks to the great turnout, the community of here will need at least five more gastroenterologists. This means potentially five more positions for my classmates in the future, which is really great for all medical students. It’s an added bonus for those of us who want to be surgeons; it means less competition. “
The Official Medical School Olympics were arranged to be joint with the Chili cook-off. The Sports Injury Interest Group (SIIG) was particularly excited about this event. Unfortunately for them, there were no sports injuries. All potentially dangerous events, such as Red Rover, were banned from the Olympics. An unidentified student was quoted saying, “It was a shame really. 
We were hoping for the chance to take care of at least one injury… a sprain, a dislocation, nothing too terrible, just something that would allow us to activate the emergency response system.” The Med School Olympics were so successful, all teams won. Everyone was happy, and stickers were distributed to all participants.
We were hoping for the chance to take care of at least one injury… a sprain, a dislocation, nothing too terrible, just something that would allow us to activate the emergency response system.” The Med School Olympics were so successful, all teams won. Everyone was happy, and stickers were distributed to all participants.It could be said by many that the 2008 chili cook-off was life-changing. After the chili awards were distributed to the winners, one of the judges Dr. Brown-Jones led the group with an inspiring message. He challenged everyone to raise their right hands with him and vow to keep the spice in their lives. There wasn’t a dry eye in the audience, though that may have been due to chili #83. There has already been talk about a second Chili Cook-off next year, with new events that can only be described as explosive. Only time will tell.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Student Group Plans Trip to China in Search of Pearls
Many students are working hard to plan a trip to China with the student organization SAGHI (Students against global health ignorance). As the end of year one quickly approaches, many students in the class of 2011 have become concerned with a recent shortage in pearls. One student in particular shares her personal concern.
Gabby Punter, a first year medical student at FSU College of Medicine, received her great-grandmother’s pearl necklace for graduation in May 2007. “I was so honored to have such a wonderful keepsake that has been in my family for over sixty years,” she began. “Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how valuable to me they would become in the near future.” Punter was heartbroken when she found out that in her clinical skills class she was required to give each patient at least three pearls.
“I wish I had known this before entering medical school,” stated Adam Hacker. “I would’ve postponed that proposal to my girlfriend so I could pay for more pearls. Too bad that’s not included in the loan money they give us.”
As the 2007-2008 school year draws to a close, many students are strapped for cash and not sure how much longer this will be able to go on. Several student groups tried fundraising which proved unsuccessful. “I don’t understand why no one wants to participate in the “Pursuit for Pearls” 5K run. Doesn’t the community realize that they would benefit more than we would?” questioned Hacker.
As a result, SAGHI decided to plan a trip to China where the cost of pearls is much lower than here in America. “I realize that it may seem counter-intuitive to plan a $2000 trip to save $1500 on pearls, but the experience will be priceless,” commented the faculty advisor. Only four students are permitted to go on the trip due to rising flight costs and the high risk nature of the trip. Students hope to return with enough pearls to last them the rest of medical school. “The hardest part will be figuring out how many pearls I’ll actually need to give away in the next three years,” declares Hacker.
There is no easy answer to this problem. The students show no desire to discontinue the giving away of pearls; they only desire a manageable way to afford offering this kind of quality patient care. “I’m just glad my great-grandmother’s necklace had several little pearls rather than a few really big ones. They have been the only reason I have made it this far. Clearly I am one of the lucky ones,” reflected Punter.
Gabby Punter, a first year medical student at FSU College of Medicine, received her great-grandmother’s pearl necklace for graduation in May 2007. “I was so honored to have such a wonderful keepsake that has been in my family for over sixty years,” she began. “Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how valuable to me they would become in the near future.” Punter was heartbroken when she found out that in her clinical skills class she was required to give each patient at least three pearls.
“I wish I had known this before entering medical school,” stated Adam Hacker. “I would’ve postponed that proposal to my girlfriend so I could pay for more pearls. Too bad that’s not included in the loan money they give us.”
As the 2007-2008 school year draws to a close, many students are strapped for cash and not sure how much longer this will be able to go on. Several student groups tried fundraising which proved unsuccessful. “I don’t understand why no one wants to participate in the “Pursuit for Pearls” 5K run. Doesn’t the community realize that they would benefit more than we would?” questioned Hacker.
As a result, SAGHI decided to plan a trip to China where the cost of pearls is much lower than here in America. “I realize that it may seem counter-intuitive to plan a $2000 trip to save $1500 on pearls, but the experience will be priceless,” commented the faculty advisor. Only four students are permitted to go on the trip due to rising flight costs and the high risk nature of the trip. Students hope to return with enough pearls to last them the rest of medical school. “The hardest part will be figuring out how many pearls I’ll actually need to give away in the next three years,” declares Hacker.
There is no easy answer to this problem. The students show no desire to discontinue the giving away of pearls; they only desire a manageable way to afford offering this kind of quality patient care. “I’m just glad my great-grandmother’s necklace had several little pearls rather than a few really big ones. They have been the only reason I have made it this far. Clearly I am one of the lucky ones,” reflected Punter.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
